What did I find? Although service can be frustrating, draining, confusing, depressing, and a whole slew of other feelings, my choice to join the Peace Corps is still the best decision I have ever made. I won’t lie and say that I have changed the world or that I will any time soon, but my vision and perception of things has began to shift. I see indigenous rights, natural resources, the Bible, Americans, language, dignity, education, food, etc, in such a different light.

In terms of my impact in Soloy, I don’t think a Peace Corps volunteer’s impact can be measured and I don’t know if I will ever be able to assess how I have “helped”and I can only hope that I haven’t hindered anything in Soloy. There are so many more things I need to do and community projects I hope to be a part in.

 So, as Peace Corps turns 50, as new volunteers arrive, and as I approach my one year mark, my only conclusion can be that I have long way to go and I am happy to have so much more time in Panama.

Summer (the dry season) has arrived in Soloy and I think this has a lot to do with my new positive outlook. I feel giddy and smiley all the time. With summer has come the wind from the mountains and it feels so fresh and different. You can really feel the change of the seasons. December is orange season here and little kids run around with orange pulp all over their cute faces and you just can’t help but feel like everyone is in on the same joke and smile along with them.

Here are some pictures to give you an idea of what my life looks like:

On the Thanksgiving hike

At language training in Hato Chami, in the Comarca Ngabe-Bugle

Chris eating the most amazing breakfast at the Quetzales Eco Resort

Hato Chami

Independence Day Parade

At the Parade

Jatuita Mare.

Sadly, being so close to life means I also feel that much more closer to death. On Friday, a woman and her nephew drowned in a neighboring community when the river rose too quickly. This is the third drowning I have heard about during the month of October. As I was walking to the school this morning, a little girl pointed out a large bundle wound up in a hammock. It was the body of the woman. Due to the lack of roads, she was carried down the mountain in a hammock by her family members. It was a sad reminder to me that you cannot have life without death, and I have never felt so close to either.

I have been in Soloy for about 6 weeks and while I am slowly falling in love with some aspects of my new life, I still can’t shake some of my American views that frustrate me so when they clash with my new Latino-indigenous surroundings. Time has become my biggest battle and each week, I find a new way that time is frustrating. The first couple of weeks, time was frustrating because it moved so slowly. Afternoons felt like they went on forever and I kept trying to fill up my days in order to make them pass by more quickly. Oddly enough, all of those long afternoons became a month and now 6 weeks in, time has taken on a whole new form. Now, it moves quickly and all the sudden I am feeling the American need to rush all of the time. I still can’t shake my need to create ordered to-do lists and to arrive to meetings on time. This is completely ridiculous since it is known by everyone in my town that meetings always start roughly two hours late, which, if I wasn’t being so American, is pretty awesome.

Besides time, my life is starting to become real here and it feels good to feel like I have a place. Whenever I walk down the long road to the high school, people stop me and talk to me and although it can be frustrating when I am in a pointless rush, I feel like people are warming up to me. Yesterday, I little boy was worried the river would take me away and earlier in the week, my favorite store owner enquired as to whether or not I would dance with him at the huge party which took place on the weekend. I visit with people, attend 5 hour meetings, drink a lot of really sweet coffee (and sometimes toast it myself), and play soccer. Sometimes I eat rice for breakfast (I can no longer imagine meals without rice) and a lot of fried eggs. I guess when I put it in writing, all my time frustrations are ludicrous in comparison with how fortunate I am to be living in Soloy, eating fresh foods, and listening to amazing stories.

Yesterday, my community guide, Juan Carlos, took me on a hike to the lookout post that the local tourism group built and also to a gorgeous waterfall. The hike up to the lookout was exhausting, but the view was unbelievable. The earth here is red clay and Panama is so amazingly green during the rainy season. On the way to the waterfall, he showed me an awesome plant called “dormidona” or sleepy plant. When you poke the leaves with a stick, they wilt, and actually look like they are falling asleep! I was so excited, I spent about 10 minutes poking every plant I saw. He said that women will bathe their children with the plant if they have trouble falling asleep. On the way down to the waterfall, I found a white stone that looks a lot like quartz and Juan Carlos showed me all kinds of plants and fruits. He also made me a walking stick with his machete, which made me feel even more like an adventurer. We crossed a bunch of rivers and it occurred to me that my new favorite activity is washing my feet in the river. At the foot of the waterfall, he jokingly asked me what a girl from Michigan was doing down in Panama, and instead of feeling sad or thinking about how far I am from everyone I love and am in love with, it made me really happy to realize how far I have come and that I am exactly where I want to be.

All of this is not to say that life hasn’t been really infuriating or hard at times. I miss living on my own and cooking my food. I wish I was surrounded by people who know my history and I know theirs. It’s tiring explaining where you are from every day. But I realized during all my daydreaming that soon Panama and the Peace Corps will become a part of my history and I felt really comforted by that.

Sorry if this post was chaotic. Writing in internet cafes is a little distracting, especially since I think there is a kareoke bar next door. Oh well, I love and miss you all!

1. Panama has OCELOTS!!! Apparently, they are extremely shy cats that are similar to leopards and beautiful. My new goal is to see one.

2. Ricardo Martinelli is the current President. He graduated from the University of Arkansas.

3. The indigenous meaning behind the country’s name is “abundance of fish.”

4. If you enjoy This American Life at all, listen to this episode! It’s about a girl from the UP who becomes pen pals with the infamous Noriega.

5. The currency in Panama, known as the Balboa, is pegged to the dollar and used interchangeably with it. Balboan bank notes are no longer made, so yes, we will be using the same currency while in two different countries.

6. The Panama Canal is 48 miles long and 1,050 feet wide.

7. On the Gini Index (a measure of inequality in relation to family income), Panama is at 56.1%. To give you some perspective, if income was distributed with perfect inequality, the Gini Index would be 100. For even more perspective, Brazil is at 56.7% and Haiti is at 59.2%.

8. A sort of adorable creature quite similar to Gollum from Lord of the Rings crawled out of a cave in Panama in 2009.

Due to #8, I am extremely excited about the next 2 years. Besos!

1. Pressure!!! I constantly feel this pressure to do ten million things at once. I want to pack everything I own away for storage and at the same time, see everyone I know, and experience every aspect of my life that I will miss for the next 27 months.

2. Excited nervousness. I cannot wait to see where I will be living, what Panama City is like, and especially, taste the food I will be eating day in and out for two years.

3. Sad. Even with all my wanderlust, I love Grand Rapids. I love Wealthy St. and the way the sun shines in my apartment. I love my job and the daily routines that at times can seem so monotonous. My heart breaks a little when I think of all the voices I won’t hear on a daily basis or that I can’t sit in my mom’s kitchen talking for hours over hummus for another two years.

4. Happy.  With all the pressure, anxiety, and sadness that can accompany a two-year trip, it’s easy to forget about how happy you still can feel. I am overwhelmingly happy that I have been accepted to the Peace Corps. Realizing you have accomplished something you have wanted to do since you were 15 feels pretty damn good.

Alright, I promise this thing will get more interesting once I am in Panama.

Besos!